kirsteena: (bob writing)
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Written for [livejournal.com profile] fanfic50, xposted to [livejournal.com profile] dresdenfic

Title: Time for Reflection
Fandom: The Dresden Files bookverse
Word Count: 656
Rating: G
Spoilers: Proven Guilty
Pairing: Carlos/???
Summary: When the fight is over, Carlos looks back on his one regret
a/n Written for the [livejournal.com profile] fanfic50 challenge, prompt 1, Heart. Unbeta'ed, all mistakes are my own. Set after the books finish (lol) I'm making assumptions as to who makes it through to the end!
Disclaimer: Carlos Ramirez and The Dresden Files belong to Jim Butcher, ROC Books, and Orbit Books. No profit is being made, nor is any copyright or trademark infringement intended.
Table: Table found here




“Any regrets?” Harry asked me today.

“One,” I replied, a small wry smile on my face. “One I can’t undo, however much I’ve been forgiven.”

Harry looked at me, then put a hand on my shoulder. He knew what I was talking about. “We’ve done good, ‘Los. It’s over. We fought the good fight, and we won. Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

“I won’t,” I smiled back at him. But as I sit in the darkness, looking out of the window at an unusually cold night, the only light coming from the streets below, I can’t help it. It’s the one regret I have.


My mind drifted back to that day in Chicago. Harry had called me in, asked me to work security for the trial of a warlock, the first such trial since Harry himself had been dragged in front of the Council after the death of DuMorne. I’d been horrified when I examined the victims, when I saw how much damage had been caused to their psyches. But then I saw the terrified young woman who’d caused the damage, and my heart went out to her. This wasn’t the arrogance that I associated with so many warlocks we executed. There was genuine fear here. But with so many of the Senior Council in Oregon, fighting off the Red Court, and the Merlin holding their proxies, the day wasn’t going to go well for her.

Harry, however, was determined to fight the Merlin on his own terms, bringing in the Summer Lady and Knight, putting forward an impressive case for her to be put under the Doom of Damocles rather than executed. As I watched it unfold, I decided then to lie on behalf of Harry. It wasn’t much, but at the time, it was all I could think to do. I played down the damage done to the two youngsters. I told the assembled wizards that given time, they would recover, even though I knew the boy, Nelson, probably wouldn’t.

It didn’t matter. The Merlin decided she should die anyway. I watched, horrified, as Morgan drew his sword, ready to execute her. I should be doing something, anything to stop him. This was wrong. But it was if I was rooted to the spot, couldn’t move, could only look at Harry, my expression full of horror as I realized what was about to happen.

But it was Harry who stepped up, doing the only thing he could think of, buying time by forcing the Gatekeeper to answer. And it worked, though I’m sure it wasn’t what he intended. Enough of the senior Council arrived at Chicago to be able to cast their votes, and after her father saved around forty of our apprentices, the only way they could vote was to save her. However, I found I was blaming myself, thinking I should have done more.


“Carlos?” A voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked up to see the figure of the woman who I fell in love with, who I’ve spent the last few years with, reflected in the window, looking at me with concern on her face. “You ok? You were deep in thought.”

“Just getting rid of the last demons,” I replied, pulling her to me.

“Not literally, I hope,” she laughed. In our world, it could be literal. She paused, and looked straight at me. We’d soul gazed early on in our relationship, and we relished the eye contact with each other. “Seriously, are you ok?”

“I’m fine. Honest.” I smiled at her, and stroked the hair from her face.

Her tongue stud clicked against her teeth, a habit she had picked up when she was nervous about something, but then that brilliant smile of hers appeared on her face. “Come on,” she said, pulling me to my feet. “Bed.”

The regret would always be there, but as Molly led the way to our bedroom, I knew it was forgiven.

Date: 2008-06-21 10:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cyloran.livejournal.com
Okay, I've only begun reading Dead Beat so I haven't met Carlos yet but spoilers be darned! I couldn't resist reading when I saw you'd written another Carlos fic. I like Carlos' letting the reader see his discomfort and understanding his regret. I especially liked you going from Harry to the flashback and bringing us back with Carlos and Molly. :)

Date: 2008-06-21 11:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kirsteena.livejournal.com
You're not supposed to be spoiling yourself! At least you are on the book you meet him in. But thank you. It was fun to write.

I'm surprised you're not bored of Carlos chatting away lol.

Date: 2008-06-22 01:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saintvic.livejournal.com
I enjoyed this. I like the way it shows what we have seen from Carlos' perspective giving an insight into how he thinks about things. I also like the little glimpse into the future at the end.

Date: 2008-06-22 12:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kirsteena.livejournal.com
I love writing established events from different perspectives. It's just one of those things I find fun, especially if it is from a minor character's POV.

And Molly and Carlos have to end up together. It just has to be *G*

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